i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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