If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
being pregnant is like rehab
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
