Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
