To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
