shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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