Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
