i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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