Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
