My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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