u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize