It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
