I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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