You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
