Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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