If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
