There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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