Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
