it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
