I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
