o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
