ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
