new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
