Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
