I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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