it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
