Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
