After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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