i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
