dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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