All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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