I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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