At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
