so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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