32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize