i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Randomize
