Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
