I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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