All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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