i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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