i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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