Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
