Me too!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
