I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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