I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
