and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
