Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
