just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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