Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
