I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
