That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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