flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
