he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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