girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
