She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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