talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
