i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
