i don't like sucking hair
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
