mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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