I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
