You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
