Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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