it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
