Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That accounts for only three of the penises
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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