Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize