: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
