I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
