I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have post one night stand depression
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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