i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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