There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
